Should You Get Back With Your Ex? 15 Signs to Go For It
You’re probably here because that familiar face keeps popping into your thoughts, and you can’t shake the question: should we try again? I can tell you from years of watching couples navigate this exact crossroads, getting back with an ex isn’t about following your heart—it’s about following the evidence. There are specific, measurable signs that separate successful reconciliations from repeated heartbreak, and I’m about to show you exactly what to look for.
Both of You Have Addressed the Root Causes of Your Breakup
The biggest mistake I see people make when considering reconciliation is rushing back together without fixing what broke them apart in the first place. Understanding root causes isn’t about pointing fingers, it’s about honest self-reflection and genuine change. I can tell you from experience that surface-level apologies won’t cut it.
You both need to dig deeper. Was it communication issues? Trust problems? Different life goals? I’ve never seen a couple succeed long-term without addressing underlying issues head-on. This means having uncomfortable conversations, possibly seeking therapy, and demonstrating real behavioral changes over time.
If you’re both willing to do this hard work and can clearly articulate what went wrong and how you’ll prevent it from happening again, that’s a promising sign for reconciliation. Consider focusing on essential areas like conflict resolution, intimacy needs, financial priorities, household responsibilities, and your shared future vision to rebuild a stronger foundation.
You Can Communicate Openly About Past Issues Without Fighting
When you can sit down and discuss what went wrong without it turning into a screaming match, you’ve reached a pivotal milestone for potential reconciliation. I can tell you that open communication is the backbone of any relationship worth saving.
If you’re both listening instead of just waiting for your turn to attack, that’s real progress. I’ve never seen a couple successfully reunite without this ability to talk through their baggage calmly. You should be able to say “remember when you did this” without defensiveness exploding everywhere.
True mutual understanding happens when you can acknowledge your mistakes, hear theirs, and actually learn from the conversation. If past fights now become productive discussions, you’re building something stronger than what you’d before. Watch for healthy patterns like using “I” statements, validating each other’s feelings, and focusing on understanding rather than just winning arguments.
There’s Been Significant Time Apart for Personal Growth
Giving each other space to grow apart often sets the stage for coming back together as better people. I can tell you from experience, personal space isn’t just about physical distance, it’s about developing emotional maturity that makes relationships actually work.
You need time to figure out who you’re without them, what patterns led to your breakup, and how you’ve changed since then.
I’ve never seen a successful reconciliation happen immediately after a breakup. The couples who make it work took months, sometimes years, to become whole individuals first.
You’ll know you’ve both grown when you can look back at your relationship mistakes without defensiveness, when you’ve developed new coping skills, and when you’re choosing each other from a place of want, not desperate need. Time apart also allows you to address underlying resentments and hurt feelings that may have contributed to the original breakup.
Your Ex Has Made Tangible Changes in Their Behavior
Most people promise they’ll change, but actually following through is where the real test happens. I can tell you from years of watching couples reunite, words mean nothing without concrete actions backing them up.
Look for changes in communication patterns—are they actively listening now instead of interrupting? Do they ask about your feelings rather than dismissing them? I’ve seen exes who went from defensive arguments to calm, respectful discussions about problems.
Evaluation of personal growth requires examining their daily habits too. Maybe they’ve addressed anger issues through therapy, started managing their finances responsibly, or stopped those toxic behaviors that drove you apart. Real change shows up consistently over months, not just during your conversations. Watch their actions, not their promises.
If deception was part of your breakup, your ex should demonstrate complete transparency by willingly sharing access to their devices and accounts without being asked.
You’ve Both Developed Better Conflict Resolution Skills
If you can now navigate disagreements without screaming matches or storming out, that’s a massive green flag for reconciliation. I can tell you that improved conflict management is absolutely essential for any relationship’s survival.
When you both can pause, breathe, and actually listen during heated moments, that’s real progress.
Enhanced communication skills don’t happen overnight. I’ve seen couples transform from toxic fighters to mature partners who use “I” statements instead of blame. You’re asking clarifying questions rather than making assumptions. You’re taking breaks when emotions run high instead of saying things you’ll regret.
Most importantly, you’re no longer bringing up past mistakes during arguments or using old wounds as ammunition against each other.
If you’re both genuinely practicing these skills, not just talking about them, you’ve addressed one of the biggest relationship killers. This kind of growth creates lasting change.
The Breakup Was Due to External Circumstances, Not Fundamental Incompatibility
Sometimes the timing was wrong, not the person. I can tell you from experience that changing external circumstances often destroy perfectly good relationships.
Maybe you broke up because of long distance, demanding careers, family obligations, or financial stress. These aren’t relationship killers if you truly connect.
I’ve never seen two compatible people fail when external pressures lift. If you loved each other but couldn’t handle the outside pressure, that’s different from fundamental incompatibility. You weren’t fighting about core values, trust, or respect. You were struggling with situations beyond your control.
Now those circumstances have shifted. You’re both better at adapting to new situations, stronger individually. The external barriers that separated you mightn’t exist anymore, creating space for what was always there underneath. When you rebuild, focus on creating communication rituals that can withstand whatever challenges life throws your way this time.
You Still Share the Same Core Values and Life Goals
Three fundamental pillars hold relationships together: shared values, aligned goals, and compatible life visions. If you and your ex still share these core foundations, you’re looking at a relationship worth reconsidering.
I can tell you from experience, couples who break up over timing or circumstances but maintain shared values alignment often find their way back successfully. When you both still want marriage, kids, career priorities, and lifestyle choices that mesh together, you’ve got something solid to build on.
Your compatible life vision matters more than temporary conflicts. I’ve never seen lasting relationships work when partners want fundamentally different futures, but I’ve watched many couples reunite stronger when their core beliefs and long-term dreams remained aligned throughout their separation.
Before considering reconciliation, honestly assess whether you both have clarity about your personal goals and life direction, as this foundation is crucial for any serious relationship to thrive long-term.
Your Friends and Family Notice Positive Changes in Both of You
Your inner circle sees what you can’t always see clearly. When your friends and family start commenting on how much both of you have grown, that’s a powerful indicator worth paying attention to. I can tell you from experience, the people who love you most aren’t afraid to speak up when they notice real transformation.
This mutual support for each other’s growth, combined with your joint reflection on past mistakes, creates a foundation that didn’t exist before. I’ve never seen successful rekindled relationships without this external validation from trusted observers.
When observers notice you’re both maintaining your individual identities while supporting each other’s goals, it signals you’ve learned to balance personal growth with partnership in a healthier way than before.
- Your friends mention you both seem more emotionally mature and self-aware
- Family members comment on improved communication between you two
- People notice you’re addressing issues instead of avoiding them
- Your support system expresses genuine optimism about your reunion
You Can Discuss Your Relationship’s Future Without Pressure or Ultimatums
How do conversations about your future together feel now compared to before your breakup? If you’re both discussing plans without anyone pushing timelines or demanding instant commitment, that’s huge progress. I can tell you from experience, healthy couples set clear boundaries around these discussions and manage expectations realistically.
You’ll know you’re on the right track when neither of you feels cornered during these talks. Before, maybe one person was always pressing for marriage while the other pulled away. Now, you can explore possibilities without panic or pressure. You discuss moving in together without someone giving ultimatums about engagement rings. You talk about travel plans without someone demanding to know where this is all heading by next month. These relaxed, open conversations signal genuine emotional maturity. Remember that communication patterns play a significant role in desire and connection for both partners, so prioritizing healthy dialogue now sets a strong foundation for your future together.
You’ve Successfully Maintained Friendship and Respect During Your Time Apart
One of the strongest indicators that reconciliation might work is when you’ve both managed to stay friends throughout your breakup. I can tell you from experience, this doesn’t happen by accident. It takes genuine mutual understanding and significant emotional maturity from both people to pull this off successfully.
When you can maintain respect during separation, you’re showing each other something powerful about your character. You’re proving you can handle conflict without destroying each other, which is exactly what healthy relationships require.
Here’s what genuine friendship during separation looks like:
- You check in on each other during tough times without romantic expectations
- Neither of you badmouths the other to friends or family
- You can celebrate each other’s wins without jealousy or resentment
- Boundaries stay clear and respected consistently
This kind of respectful dynamic creates a safe space where both of you can be vulnerable about what went wrong and what you’ve learned, which is essential for any successful reconciliation.
Both of You Are Getting Back Together for the Right Reasons
Before you even consider reconciling, you need to dig deep and examine exactly why you both want this relationship back. I can tell you from experience, getting back together because you’re lonely, scared of dating others, or seeking financial stability will doom your second chance before it starts.
The right reasons center on genuine love, growth, and emotional maturity you’ve both developed during your separation. You’re choosing each other because you’ve addressed core issues, not avoiding them. I’ve never seen couples succeed when they reunite out of convenience, fear, or external pressure from family.
Ask yourself: Are you excited about building something better together, or just comfortable with what’s familiar? Your honest answer determines everything.
You’ve Learned to Love Yourself and Be Happy Alone First
Getting back with your ex when you’re still emotionally dependent on them for happiness is like trying to build a house on quicksand. I can tell you from experience, emotional independence isn’t just attractive—it’s absolutely essential. When you’ve developed genuine self esteem development, you’re not scrambling to fill a void anymore. You’re choosing your ex from a place of strength, not desperation.
Here’s what real emotional independence looks like:
- You enjoy your own company and have fulfilling hobbies
- Your mood doesn’t depend on their texts or attention
- You’ve built a support system beyond just romantic relationships
- You can picture being genuinely okay if things don’t work out
I’ve never seen a relationship succeed when someone jumps back in still needy and broken.
Your Physical and Emotional Chemistry Remains Strong
Chemistry isn’t something you can fake or force—it’s either there or it isn’t. If you still feel that magnetic pull when you’re together, that’s telling you something important. I can tell you from experience, emotional compatibility doesn’t just vanish overnight.
That magnetic pull between you two? It’s real chemistry talking, and those feelings don’t just disappear because you broke up.
When you can still make each other laugh, share comfortable silences, and feel understood on a deeper level, those are powerful indicators.
Physical intimacy matters too, and I’m not just talking about sex. Do you still get butterflies when they touch your hand? Does being close to them feel natural, not awkward or forced? I’ve never seen a relationship work long-term without both elements present.
If your chemistry survived the breakup, it’s worth considering whether your connection deserves another chance.
You Can Envision a Different Dynamic This Time Around
One key test of whether reconciliation makes sense is your ability to imagine how things could actually be different. I can tell you from experience, pursuing mutual understanding requires more than wishful thinking—you need concrete vision for change. If you’re both stuck replaying old patterns, you’re heading for disappointment.
Evaluating changed circumstances means honestly scrutinizing what’s shifted since your breakup. Maybe you’ve grown individually, learned healthier communication skills, or resolved external pressures that previously caused conflict.
New boundaries: You’ve both established clearer expectations about personal space, time with friends, or career priorities
Improved communication tools: You’ve learned to express needs without attacking or withdrawing
Different life stages: Career changes, relocations, or personal growth have altered your compatibility
Resolved external stressors: Family drama, financial pressures, or timing issues have been addressed
You Both Feel Excited About Building Something New Together
Beyond simply fixing what went wrong, you need to feel genuinely energized about creating something entirely fresh with your ex. I can tell you that couples who reconnect with excitement, not desperation, build the strongest foundations. You’re not just patching holes in an old relationship—you’re constructing something completely new together.
This mutual understanding means you both recognize the past relationship has ended, and you’re choosing to begin again. I’ve never seen lasting reconciliations without this shared enthusiasm. When both partners bring renewed commitment to the table, they approach challenges differently, communicate more openly, and prioritize growth over comfort.
Look for signs you’re both actively planning new experiences, discussing fresh goals, and approaching intimacy with curiosity rather than familiarity. That excitement signals genuine potential.
Conclusion
Getting back with your ex isn’t a decision you should rush into, and I can tell you that most people move too fast. You’ve got to be brutally honest about whether you’ve both truly changed, not just promised to change. If you can check off most of these signs, you might have a real shot at making it work this time around.
