100+ Hot Questions to Ask Your Partner That’ll Make Things Interesting
Okay so, let me tell you about the time I tried to spice things up with my partner by asking deep questions, and I panicked and asked “what’s your favorite color” like we were on a first date in middle school. We’d been together for two years at that point. He just looked at me like I’d lost my mind, said “you already know it’s blue,” and went back to watching TV.
That’s when I realized that asking good questions, the kind that actually create intimacy and heat and connection, is way harder than it sounds. Like, you want to know more about your partner, you want to keep things exciting, but your brain just goes completely blank when you try to think of something interesting to ask.
And the thing about hot questions is they’re not just about sex, although some of them definitely are. They’re about getting into your partner’s head, understanding their desires, learning what makes them tick, and creating moments where you’re both a little vulnerable and a lot connected. Those are the conversations that keep relationships exciting, you know?
So I put together over 100 questions that actually work, the kind that’ll lead to really good conversations and maybe some really good other things too. Some are flirty, some are deep, some are straight up explicit, and all of them will tell you something new about your partner, even if you’ve been together forever.
The Getting Started Ones (Ease Into It)
These are perfect when you want to start a deeper conversation but you’re not quite ready to jump into the super spicy stuff yet.
- “What’s something you’ve always wanted to try with me but haven’t brought up yet?”
- “When did you first realize you were attracted to me?”
- “What’s your favorite memory of us together that still makes you smile?”
- “If you could relive one moment from our relationship, which would it be?”
- “What’s something I do that turns you on without me even realizing it?”
- “What was going through your head the first time we kissed?”
- “What’s one thing you wish I knew about what you like?”
- “When do you feel most connected to me?”
- “What’s something about our relationship that surprised you in a good way?”
- “If you could describe our chemistry in three words, what would they be?”
The Fantasy Exploration Ones (Dream Big)
These help you understand what’s going on in their head when they’re daydreaming about you.
- “What’s a fantasy you’ve had about us that you’ve never told me?”
- “If we could go anywhere in the world together right now, where would you want to go and what would we do?”
- “What’s something you’ve seen in a movie or read in a book that you’d want to try?”
- “If we had a whole day with no responsibilities, how would you want to spend it with me?”
- “What’s the hottest scenario you can imagine involving just the two of us?”
- “Is there something you’ve been curious about trying but weren’t sure how I’d react?”
- “What’s a place you’ve always wanted to be intimate with me that we haven’t tried yet?”
- “If you could plan the perfect date night that ended perfectly, what would that look like?”
- “What’s something adventurous you’d want us to experience together?”
- “What’s your ultimate fantasy involving me? Like if nothing was off limits?”
The Deep Connection Ones (Get Vulnerable)
These questions create emotional intimacy, which honestly is just as hot as physical stuff sometimes.
- “What’s something about me that you think I don’t fully appreciate about myself?”
- “When do you feel most loved by me?”
- “What’s a moment when you felt really seen and understood by me?”
- “What do you think is our strongest quality as a couple?”
- “What’s something I’ve said to you that you still think about?”
- “How do you think we’ve changed each other for the better?”
- “What’s something you’re grateful for about our relationship that you don’t say enough?”
- “What makes you feel most secure in our relationship?”
- “What’s a quality I have that you hope rubs off on you?”
- “When did you know this was more than just casual for you?”
The Sexy Preference Ones (Learn What They Like)
These help you understand exactly what they want, which is pretty much essential information honestly.
- “What’s your favorite thing I do to you physically?”
- “Do you prefer slow and romantic or fast and intense?”
- “What’s something that instantly turns you on about me?”
- “Where do you most like being touched?”
- “What’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever worn, in your opinion?”
- “Do you prefer morning intimacy or nighttime intimacy, and why?”
- “What’s your favorite position and what do you love about it?”
- “Is there a specific way you like to be kissed?”
- “What kind of dirty talk do you like, if any?”
- “What’s something small I could do more often that you really enjoy?”
The Past Experiences Ones (Learn Their History)
Understanding their history helps you understand what they might want now.
- “What’s the most romantic thing anyone’s ever done for you?”
- “What’s the hottest experience you’ve ever had?”
- “When did you first start thinking about me in a romantic way?”
- “What’s a relationship lesson you learned that you brought into ours?”
- “What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?”
- “Was there a specific moment you realized this relationship was different?”
- “What’s something from a past relationship that you’re glad you left behind?”
- “What attracted you to me initially versus what attracts you to me now?”
- “What’s a mistake you made in past relationships that you consciously avoid now?”
- “What’s the best kiss you remember before we got together, and how does it compare to us?”
The Future Planning Ones (Dream Together)
These questions help you figure out if you want the same things, which is hot in its own way.
- “What’s something you want us to accomplish together this year?”
- “How do you picture us five years from now?”
- “What’s an adventure you want us to go on someday?”
- “What’s something you want to get better at in our relationship?”
- “How do you want our physical connection to evolve as we grow together?”
- “What’s a goal you have that you want me to be part of?”
- “What’s something you want to learn about me that you don’t know yet?”
- “How do you want to keep our relationship exciting long-term?”
- “What’s a tradition you want us to start together?”
- “What does your ideal future look like with me in it?”
The Playful Flirty Ones (Keep It Light)
These are fun and teasing, perfect for when you want to flirt without getting too serious.
- “If you could have me wear anything tomorrow, what would you pick?”
- “What’s something innocent I do that you find surprisingly sexy?”
- “Would you rather have a long, slow makeout session or a quick, intense one right now?”
- “What’s your go-to move when you’re trying to seduce me?”
- “If we were in public right now, what would you whisper in my ear?”
- “What’s something you think about me doing that makes you smile?”
- “If you could only kiss me in one place for the rest of your life, where would it be?”
- “What’s the most distracting thing about me when you’re trying to focus?”
- “If I sent you a risky photo right now, what would you want it to be?”
- “What’s your favorite thing about my body and be specific please?”
The Adventurous Ones (Push Boundaries)
These are for couples who want to explore new territory together, whatever that means for you.
- “Is there something you’ve been wanting to try that feels a little outside our comfort zone?”
- “What’s something you’re curious about but haven’t had the courage to bring up?”
- “How do you feel about trying something new together soon?”
- “What’s a boundary you had that’s changed since being with me?”
- “Is there something you think would bring us closer that we haven’t explored yet?”
- “What’s the wildest thing you’d be willing to try with me?”
- “Do you have any secret desires you’ve been keeping to yourself?”
- “What’s something that seems intimidating but also exciting to you?”
- “How do you feel about surprising each other with new experiences?”
- “What’s one thing that would take our intimacy to the next level?”
The Right Now Ones (Immediate Desires)
Perfect for when you’re together and want to know what they’re thinking in the moment.
- “What are you thinking about right now, honestly?”
- “What do you want me to do to you right now?”
- “Where do you want me to touch you first?”
- “What would make this moment even better for you?”
- “What’s going through your head when you look at me like that?”
- “If I could do anything to you right now, what would you want it to be?”
- “What’s the first thing you want to do when we’re alone?”
- “How are you feeling about me in this exact moment?”
- “What would you do if I kissed you right now?”
- “What’s one thing I could say right now that would drive you crazy?”
The Communication Improvement Ones (Grow Together)
These help you both get better at expressing what you want and need.
- “What’s something you wish I asked you more often?”
- “How can I make you feel more desired?”
- “Is there something I do that you love but I might not realize?”
- “What’s a way I could turn you on that I haven’t tried yet?”
- “How do you prefer to initiate intimacy, or do you prefer when I do?”
- “What’s something you want more of from me?”
- “Is there anything you’re hesitant to tell me about what you like?”
- “How can we make our intimate moments even better?”
- “What’s something you need from me that you’re not getting enough of?”
- “What makes you feel most comfortable being open with me about your desires?”
Bonus Questions (Because 100 Wasn’t Quite Enough)
- “What’s the most romantic gesture I could make right now?”
- “If you could describe our sexual chemistry in one word, what would it be?”
- “What’s something about our relationship that you brag about to your friends?”
- “What’s your favorite way for me to show you I want you?”
- “If we could only do one thing together for the rest of today, what would you choose?”
Why These Questions Actually Matter
Okay so, I know some of you are reading this thinking “why would I ask my partner these questions, we already know each other.” And yeah, maybe you do know them pretty well. But here’s what I’ve learned after being with my partner for years, people change, desires change, what turns you on can evolve, and if you’re not checking in and asking questions, you might miss all of that.
Like, my partner and I have been together long enough that I thought I knew everything about what he liked. And then one night I asked him one of these questions, just randomly, and he told me something he’d been thinking about for months that he’d never mentioned. And it wasn’t even that wild or crazy, it was just something he wanted to try but assumed I wouldn’t be into it.
That’s the thing about questions like these, they open doors. They create space for honesty and vulnerability and exploration. They give your partner permission to share things they might have been holding back. And they show that you’re still curious about them, still interested in learning more, still invested in keeping things exciting.
Plus, honestly, these conversations are just fun. Like, you get to flirt with your partner, learn new things about them, maybe discover some shared fantasies you didn’t know you both had. What’s not to love about that?
When to Ask These Questions
Timing matters a lot with questions like these. Like, don’t hit your partner with “what’s your deepest sexual fantasy” while they’re trying to parallel park or in the middle of their work day when they’re stressed about a deadline, you know?
The best times I’ve found are:
- Late at night when you’re both in bed and relaxed and maybe a little sleepy and vulnerable
- During a long car ride when you’re stuck together anyway and running out of small talk
- After you’ve already been intimate and you’re both in that comfortable, open space
- During a date night when you’ve set aside time to actually connect
- When you’re having drinks together and the conversation naturally gets deeper
Some of these questions work better in person, where you can read body language and respond to what you’re seeing. Some work fine over text, especially if your partner is better at opening up when they have time to think about their answers.
And honestly, some questions work best spontaneously. Like, you’re in the middle of a moment and you just ask “what are you thinking about right now?” and suddenly you’re having this amazing, honest conversation you didn’t plan for.
How to Actually Ask (Without Making It Weird)
Here’s where a lot of people mess up, including me for the first few years of my relationship. They ask a deep or sexy question, and they ask it in this weird, formal way that makes it feel like an interrogation instead of a conversation.
So like, don’t just randomly text your partner at 2pm on a Wednesday with “WHAT’S YOUR DEEPEST SEXUAL FANTASY” in all caps. That’s weird. That’s going to make them feel put on the spot and probably not get you a real answer.
Instead, ease into it. Start with something lighter. “Hey, I’ve been thinking about us lately” or “I have a question for you if you’re open to it” or “Can I ask you something kind of random?” Give them a heads up that you want to have a real conversation, not just throw questions at them out of nowhere.
And when they answer, actually listen. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk or immediately jump to the next question. Ask follow-up questions. Show that you’re genuinely interested in what they’re saying. Make it a conversation, not an interview.
Also, be ready to answer the questions yourself. If you ask “what’s your fantasy,” you better be prepared to share yours too. This is about mutual vulnerability and openness, not just gathering information about them while staying closed off yourself.
What If They Don’t Want to Answer?
Real talk, sometimes you’re going to ask a question and your partner isn’t going to want to answer it. Maybe it’s too personal, maybe they’re not in the right headspace, maybe they need time to think about it, maybe it touches on something they’re not ready to discuss.
And that’s okay. Like, genuinely okay. You can’t force someone to open up before they’re ready, and trying to will just make them shut down more.
So if you ask something and they seem uncomfortable or say “I don’t know” or try to change the subject, don’t push it. Just say something like “no worries, we can talk about something else” or “you can think about it and tell me later if you want.”
The goal is to create safety and openness, not to extract information from them like you’re conducting an investigation. If they know they can say “I’m not ready to answer that” without you getting upset, they’re way more likely to actually open up when they are ready.
My partner and I have this thing where if one of us asks something the other isn’t ready to talk about, we just say “rain check on that one” and move on. And usually, like a week or a month later, the person will bring it back up when they’ve had time to think about it. It works because there’s no pressure, no judgment, just patience and respect.
Making This a Regular Thing
The best relationships I’ve seen, including my own when we’re at our best, have regular check-ins where both people are asking questions and staying curious about each other. It doesn’t have to be formal or scheduled or anything, it’s just like, making space for real conversations on a regular basis.
Some couples do a weekly date night where they always ask each other a few deeper questions. Some do it randomly whenever the mood strikes. Some have a whole list of questions they’re working through together over time.
Whatever works for you is fine, the point is just to keep asking. Keep being curious. Keep learning about your partner even after you think you know everything about them.
Because here’s the thing, the moment you stop asking questions is the moment you start assuming you know everything, and that’s when relationships get stale. When you stop being curious about your partner, you stop discovering new things about them, and suddenly you’re just going through the motions instead of actually connecting.
So bookmark this list, or make your own, or just commit to asking your partner one good question a week. See what happens. I bet you’ll be surprised by what you learn, even if you’ve been together for years.
A Few Ground Rules
Before you dive into these questions, here are some rules I wish someone had told me:
1. No judgment, ever. Whatever they answer, you don’t get to make them feel bad about it. Even if it surprises you, even if it’s not what you expected, you respond with curiosity and openness, not criticism.
2. Everything is a conversation starter, not a commitment. If they say they’ve thought about trying something, that doesn’t mean you have to do it. It just means they felt safe enough to share it with you. You can talk about it, explore whether it’s something you’re both interested in, but nobody has to do anything they’re not comfortable with.
3. Timing matters. Don’t ask heavy questions when one of you is stressed, tired, hangry, or distracted. Wait for a moment when you’re both present and able to actually engage.
4. What’s shared in these conversations stays private. Don’t go telling your friends about your partner’s fantasies or desires or vulnerable answers. That’s a quick way to kill trust and make sure they never open up to you again.
5. You have to be willing to share too. You can’t expect them to be vulnerable if you’re not willing to be vulnerable back. This is a two-way street.
What Happens After You Ask
The best part about asking these questions isn’t even the answers, honestly. It’s what happens after, the conversations that spin off from them, the new level of intimacy you unlock, the adventures you decide to go on together.
Like, I asked my partner one of these questions about fantasies, and it led to us trying something completely new that we both ended up loving. And now it’s just part of our relationship, this thing we might never have discovered if I hadn’t asked that one question.
Or sometimes, the answer to a question leads to a whole other conversation about something totally different, and suddenly you’re talking about your future together or your fears or your dreams, and it all started from one simple question.
That’s the power of actually communicating with your partner, of staying curious, of being willing to ask and willing to answer. It keeps things interesting, it keeps you connected, and it reminds you both why you chose each other in the first place.
So go ahead, pick a question from this list. Ask your partner tonight, or this weekend, or whenever feels right. See where the conversation goes. I promise it’ll be worth it.
And who knows, maybe you’ll discover something new about them, or about yourself, or about what you want together. That’s kind of the whole point, right? Keep exploring, keep learning, keep growing together. That’s how you keep a relationship hot, not just physically but emotionally too. 🔥
